Difficult Conversations About Identity, Diversity and Justice

Difficult conversations are commonplace in our complex and rapidly evolving world. However, conversations about identity, diversity and justice are especially difficult to navigate. Many of us decide not to participate for fear of saying the wrong thing and causing offence. However, our reluctance to participate can have a serious impact in that it deprives people from marginalised groups of support, as well as stalling much-needed progress towards a more just and inclusive world.

Kenji and David, authors of Say the Right Thing: How to talk about Identity, Diversity and Justice, are both gay men, and founders of the Meltzer Center for Diversity, Inclusion and Belonging at NYU School of Law. As lawyers, they acknowledge that, whilst the law and policy both provide a foundation for justice in our society, a culture of inclusion and belonging remains difficult to create. A culture of inclusion and belonging is, however, critical in the fight for a better, more equitable world.

The authors recognise that identity conversations are difficult. These difficult conversations are, however, inescapable. They point out that we often don’t know enough, and our lack of knowledge can be further exacerbated by social media which can add other dimensions to our discomfort, fear and engagement.

… difficult conversations are inescapable

We all know that, on a daily basis, we are confronted with situations such as children who make racist comments, employees who need constructive feedback and even family members who are out of touch. We are afraid, though, of coming across as biased, and of conversations that alarm us, both in person and on social media.

Kenji and David claim to have a distinctive viewpoint. One is a white, gay millennial and the other is Asian, gay and Generation X. They work on the one side with liberal activist students and, on the other, with senior leaders in government, commerce, sport and professional service teams; as a result, their view is muti-dimensional.

In a book filled with research and engaging stories and examples, David and Kenji propose seven principles, with the aim of making it easier for us all in to participate positively and constructively in identity conversations. These principles include recognising and understanding what they identify as, ‘the four conversational traps’, assisting one in escaping these traps, and helping one approach these conversations with an open mind.

Further principles are about managing disagreements and apologies. The last principles assist one in making positive changes in the world and supporting those who have engaged in non-inclusive behaviour so that they can grow past their mistakes. Their seven, user-friendly principles are:

  • avoid conversational pitfalls
  • build the resilience necessary to have difficult identity conversations
  • disagree respectfully
  • apologise authentically
  • support people who experience bias
  • help those who engage in non-inclusive behaviour to grow past their mistakes.

Using these easy to understand, practical principles, the authors encourage us to move from reflexive to reflective conversations, which are considered and respectful.

The book is easy to read and one easily relates to the many situations and experiences that David and Kenji use to illustrate the principles.