It’s common for a parent to want to “fix” a problem for their children, but when it comes to the unpredictability and frustration of loadshedding there isn’t always a solution. It’s important to communicate clearly and respond to the challenges of loadshedding together.
Loadshedding could hardly have been better designed to negatively impact our mental well-being. Much of human anxiety stems from situations or experiences where our sense of control is removed. Loadshedding by its nature, is unpredictable, beyond our control and unlikely to end soon. These factors create a recipe for stress and impact our emotional, physical and mental health.
Loadshedding’s unpredictability makes it difficult to plan work, meals, and trips. It knocks out traffic lights and leaves us disconnected at the most inopportune times, which heightens our feelings of frustration and exacerbates our resentments.
Our children, too, suffer the burden of loadshedding. There are direct effects, such as their ability to learn. They may battle to stick to study and homework timetables when batteries die, and Wi-Fi or cellular connections are lost. They may have to study by candlelight. Younger children might be scared of the dark, and everyone becomes more fearful when streetlights and alarms don’t work.
There is another indirect impact on children. Children are very good at picking up on the emotional state of those around them. If we are stressed, running around trying to cope with the hurdles that loadshedding presents, children may pick up on that tension.
Creating context for frustration
In our innate need to protect our children from as much hardship as we can, we don’t always explain to them why we, as adults, are feeling or acting in a particular way. We don’t always communicate why we feel stressed. The challenge this creates is that our children are left without a context for our emotions, potentially leading them to believe they are, in part, to blame for the frustration. This increases their anxiety and confusion.
What can we do to lessen their burden? In a word, communicate. Be open and honest. Tell them you are stressed but that they are not to blame. Making it explicit gives them context and allows them to ‘just be children’ and not carry our emotional baggage.
Don’t believe you need to shut them out of what we believe to be “adult concerns”. Our concerns spread regardless. Our default is to protect our children but to do that as they get older, we need to allow them to come to their own understanding.
The fine line between sharing and oversharing
Of course, there’s a fine line between sharing and oversharing, and you’ll need to be sensitive to your child’s needs to find that line. We want to communicate to address their concerns, not add to them. This is a process where we need to take our cues from them. Every child will react differently and will understand their situation uniquely.
The more verbal a child is, the more we tend to assume that they know what we’re feeling or understand the emotional climate of an environment. Verbal maturity and emotional maturity don’t always correlate. Children can say something without understanding the emotional context behind it.
There isn’t always a solution
As adults and parents, our default is to want to provide a fix, a solution, an answer. But sometimes there isn’t one, and that’s also something children have to learn. Knowing that it’s okay to be uncomfortable, to be nervous, to be stressed and making that explicit often calms the situation on its own. It doesn’t fix the problem, but it contextualises it, which allows for understanding.
Another way we can help is by acknowledging the burdens we ourselves carry and trying to ease them. Take whatever practical steps you can to alleviate the effect of loadshedding. Try and plan for the unexpected. And spare a thought for the person sitting next to you in traffic.
It’s tempting to believe that life’s difficulties solely afflict us, but we really are all in this together. The struggles we endure can unite us and strengthen us if we approach them from a place of compassion and understanding.
Communicate and respond to the challenges together
We sometimes forget that childhood can be a uniquely stressful time. Children can feel a lot of pressure to perform – from parents, teachers, or coaches. Even if this expectation is only a perception, it can be a lot for a young person to bear. Loadshedding has the potential to compound this stress.
Don’t take a child’s experience for granted, and don’t imagine they are taking yours for granted, either. Talk to them, and learn how to respond to the challenges of loadshedding together.