Positive Masculinity in a World of ‘Lost Boys’

With a proud 120-year legacy of ‘knowing boys’, Highbury strives to serve its students by providing a family-based context that nurtures boys holistically with the aim of empowering them to become men who are able to lead the way in a fast-paced future.

A fundamental component of becoming a man is understanding the concept of ‘masculinity’, what it represents and how it is perceived in society. In our modern milieu, the concept has been brought into question and our generation of boys can easily feel lost in the process of identity formation.

In an issue of Psychology Today, psychologist Mickey A Feher, succinctly addresses the dichotomy, saying “[As] longstanding cultural structures and stereotypes are being revaluated, masculinity and manhood are in crisis. The old masculine stereotypes of being aggressive, privileged, and tough, while also being hypersexual and unemotional, are being dismantled. At the same time, we are also seeing these old stereotypes being re-embraced around the world.”

Modern masculinity

With this in mind, schools surely have an unspoken responsibility to crystallise their views on what modern masculinity looks like to create an empowering context conducive to well-balanced socio-emotional development in their boys. Highbury already identified this ‘crisis of masculinity’ as an area of focus in 2021/22.

As such, several Highbury teachers were privileged to attend the International Boys’ Schools Coalition Conference, where ‘masculinity’ was presented as a key theme.

Other staff members were afforded the privilege of receiving training by the charismatic Craig Wilkinson on his ‘6 pack of Champion Virtues of Masculinity’. Wilkinson is a top selling South African author, award-winning social entrepreneur, inspirational speaker and self-proclaimed ‘dad coach’.

In the introduction to his Father a Nation webpage, Wilkinson states: “At his core, every man wants to be a good man. But not every man knows how. There is a lot of confusion in the world today about what it means to be a man. There is also a lot of negativity about masculinity.

Men often feel as though they need to justify themselves, as if being a man is a bad thing and masculinity is something to be ashamed of. The opposite is true! Authentic masculinity is a great gift to the world. Men are made to be a powerful force for good. And you can be such a man.”

The Highbury Prep School culture of honourCulture of honour

At Highbury, we firmly believe that our boys will be those men. In fact, Highbury’s Culture of Honour, derived from the works of Stephen Covey, reflect this belief and comprise 18 core values that are held as imperatives to raising boys to become great men. These values are spoken into the lives of our boys through our powerful Christian ethos and hidden curriculum.

This same Culture of Honour dovetails beautifully with Wilkinson’s work, as values such as service, trust, love, empathy, respect, responsibility and courage underpin the ‘Champion Virtues’ presented in Wilkinson’s campaign.

Highbury boys are privileged to begin their journey of finding their light, knowing themselves and becoming the heroes of their own stories from a young age. A significant part of this journey is for each boy to understand his authentic, positive masculinity and how he can harness his own power to incite change and do good in the world.

Virtues of masculinity

It is helpful to view this journey through the lens of positive masculinity, and Wilkinson’s ‘6 pack of Champion Virtues of Masculinity’ provides a useful paradigm. Each of these virtues is summarised below:

1. Champion men use their strength well

Authentic men possess an internal compass that guides them to use their strength for good and with love, in the protection of others. Values that underpin this virtue include compassion, trust, service, confidence, empathy, respect and responsibility.

2. Champion men tend their fields

Wilkinson describes four elements of care in his metaphor of men ‘tending their fields’, which include taking care of and respecting themselves and others, being responsible for the material aspects of their lives and ensuring that they understand and fulfil their roles and responsibilities. A number of the values held within the Highbury Culture of Honour support the intention and action involved in the care of self, others and the environment.

Highbury Prep School promotes positive masculinity

3. Champion men define themselves by character

The central tenet of ‘character’ is key to being authentic in your interactions with the world by remaining true to yourself, despite external influences. Wilkinson also addresses the concept of being brave enough to show vulnerability as a man rather than trying to hide one’s personal difficulties in an attempt to wear the ‘big boys don’t cry’ mask. Being a man of character requires deep-rooted values of honesty and responsibility.

4. Champion men build a band of brothers

Wilkinson states that “champion men embrace brotherhood and build strong, healthy, accountable relationships with other men”. By actively nurturing a support system of like-minded men, future generations can grow based on a shared understanding of vulnerability. The South African concept of ‘ubuntu’ can play an influential role in building a society based on honour, trust, service and love.

5. Champion men mentor the next generation

Mmentorship is foundational in nurturing generations with a solid sense of authentic masculinity. Wilkinson urges men to ‘be someone worth looking up to’. Highbury’s Culture of Honour aims to nurture future leaders through peer and teacher mentorship that is deeply embedded in the hidden curriculum.

6. Champion men make the world a better place

Wilkinson encourages men to ‘give more than you take’ while living ‘your purpose’. In line with our motto ‘Jamais Arriere’ (never behind) part of the journey into manhood is ensuring that the footprints that our boys leave behind are a testament to their honourable way of life, in how they treat others and how they interact with the world around them. Leaving the world a better place requires courage, faith, confidence, belief and perseverance.

By consciously nurturing a sense of positive masculinity consistent with a Culture of Honour, Highbury boys will not be lost to the winds of change as they are anchored in a deeply rooted culture of faith and honour.

Creating positive masculinity and a band of brothers

What does it mean to be a man in a modern world?

Wilkinson astutely answers this vital question: “It’s not taking, it’s giving. Not dominating, it’s serving. Choosing love over power.”

What a privilege it is for South African schools to play a fundamental role in nurturing the next generation of authentic, responsible men. For Highbury, ‘knowing boys’ is core to raising gentlemen who, at heart, are good human beings, who live and lead through giving, and by serving and loving those around them.